We explored new neighborhoods, meandered through parks, and people-watched out of a coffee shop’s balcony.The next week, I hosted a board game night and invited her so she could meet some of my friends.The concept of being “friendzoned” on an implicit expectation of sex, because it posits friendship as a suboptimal outcome instead of being a worthy end in and of itself.Complaining about being “friendzoned” is incredibly harmful to our relationships and can cripple our capacity for both healthy friendships and healthy relationships.You asked people to do this because you want their taste and judgment on your side, so go with it.This isn’t a service where someone is working for you by gathering potential matches, and this isn’t online dating where you can evaluate photos & interests ahead of time, this is a gift from a friend and a situation where you are giving up a bit of control in exchange for meeting someone new.Over the course of our time together, we talked about plenty of our romantic and sexual preferences, but neither of us pressed for anything physical.We kept things friendly and fun rather than expecting things to turn romantic or physical right away.
Exceptions: This person is an ex of yours, a family member of an ex of yours, this person is known to be a violent criminal. Go have one drink and smile and do your best to have a nice time.Jessica and I met up as friends, without any overt attempts at wooing, courting, or sleeping with one another. She came to understand my background story and my relationship goals and preferences ( talk about these things all the time), and I learned about hers.Using these insights, we both began introducing each other to awesome people within our respective friend groups, and have been doing so for years.First dates aren’t contracts or life sentences and the only way to “fail” at one is to not show up or to be an asshole. Either embrace the chaos, surprise, and mystery, or don’t do this at all. “Friend, thank you so much, it was wonderful meeting your friend. Sadly, I don’t think we clicked, but I really appreciated your willingness to come out to meet a total stranger” (some specific compliment about something you talked about – for instance “Thanks for recommending X author, I will be sure to check out their work.”) You never know if your date will turn into a friend who has a friend who would be perfect for you.
I’m feeling a bit stalled lately with efforts to meet women to date.